At their middle school this year, the kids were allowed to wear costumes on Halloween, as long as it was "historical." Okay call me crazy, but this sounds like a lot of kids are going to be taking that guideline pretty lightly. The guys are also allowed to wear shorts as long as it is part of their costume (girls are always allowed shorts, but guys can normally only wear them on designated "wear shorts" days).
When Alex came out of his room to eat breakfast, dressed, hair done, etc, he was wearing shorts. Both Dustin and I questioned him about it and he said he was "myself two years ago, before I moved here where they make us wear pants. I always wore shorts, every day to school, so that's historical." Alright, I thought it was cute and clever and on a day where I assumed a lot of kids were going to get away with a lot of costumes that were probably not all that historical, we let it fly. I did tell him to get his favorite pair of jeans ready because if he had to call me to bring him long pants, I didn't want to bring "the wrong ones."
Aimee cleared her costume with her teacher ahead of time. She was dressed as an angel. Yep historic. So, after helping Aimee with her hair and makeup (gold glittery stuff), we took off for school, but with the extra stuff going on, I forgot my cell phone.
I dropped the middle schoolers off and then went to take Allie to Kindergarten, which starts a few minutes later. By the time I got home, I had a missed call, both at home and on my cell. I returned the number; it was, of course, the middle school. Alex was asking for pants so that he wouldn't have to go to OCS (on campus suspension.) On the way over, I called Dustin to tell him what was up; he already knew because since Alex couldn't reach me, he had to call his dad at work. He agreed that we should talk a little about it with the principal, but not make a huge deal about it.
When I got to school, Alex was already sitting in a chair in the office, and the principal, Mrs. Bane, was sitting next to him, speaking calmly. I gave him the jeans and he went to change. Mrs Bane made small talk about the pajama-clad, binky-mouthed child in my arms, but then went to attend to someone in the back of the office. As I wanted to ask Alex about his conversation with her before I spoke to her, this was fine with me.
When he came out, now in his school-approved clothing, I asked Alex what she had said to him. He just gave a brief answer about not wearing shorts at shool. I asked if he told her it WAS a costume. He said no, he didn't really have a chance. He said that his homeroom teacher had called him on the shorts, Alex did tell him his costume, and the teacher smiled, but told him he should go down and ask the principal if it was okay. So, I asked the secretary if I could talk to the principal.
The assistant principal, Mrs Wilkerson, met us and showed us to her office (she was dressed as a hippie). I explained that Alex felt like his costume was good, and although it wasn't showy, it was what he considered a part of history. He had already changed, and I did mention that I didn't want to make him change again, but I did think that he should have been able to be heard on the whole subject. Mrs Wilkerson also smiled at the costume, and excused herself to go speak to the principal, although she did not bring her in. When she returned, she said that, yes, shorts were okay if they were part of a costume, but it had to be a more "costumed" costume.
Huh?
Alright, if I had all the information at that point, I would not have let it go. Perhaps if I had had more sleep the previous night and had eaten breakfast I would have also pressed the issue a bit more. But, since I was tired and hungry, I didn't want to cry for no reason...so, I let it go at that.
As I left the school, I saw some questionable costumes and of course we had a full report of the other "historical" costumes: hippies (lots), Barbie, mice, cats, Snow White, Superman, babies, football players, pumpkins, soldiers, cowboys, cowgirls, dolls, brides, and a greek goddess or two. Alright, so to me, some of those clearly miss the mark. The principal was dressed as Fred Flinstone (she's a girl.)
I totally lost my adult composure and just started griping. (Good example from the mother...whatever...it really annoyed me.) I couldn't believe that they would allow some of the costumes that weren't really historical, but would make Alex change, when his was clearly a significant part of his own history (seriously this is big at his age and to his feelings). What made me the most upset was that Alex missed his entire math period sitting in the office waiting for me to bring him "appropriate" clothing when he was already wearing appropriate clothing.
Then, I got more of the story. Alex said he didn't tell me because he knew that I would have been more upset when I was talking to the principal (or vice) and didn't want to feel bad that I cried...blah blah blah...he knows me too well. LOL
The reason that Alex didn't tell the principal what his costume was, is that the moment he walked into the office, the secretary griped at him. He mentioned why he was there, and she laughed, unemotionally, a spoken, "hahaha" and said, "go call your mom"." When he didn't reach me, he asked if she could get Dustin's work number from his file, and she said, something to the effect of, "I guess, or maybe you can just sit your butt down in OCS"
Okay, call me a protective, witchy mom, but I really thought her attitude was out of line. If I had known all of that, I would have said something to her, and maybe mentioned that in my conversation with Mrs Wilkerson. The secretary had just already upset Alex and I guess he needs more experience speaking his feelings and his own point of view and not feeling intimidated.
So, my feeling now, is that I'm probably going to let it go. I am definitely still mad about it all, but unless he gets a zero for the day in his math class, I'm not going to be going in to gripe at them. I'll be selective in my battles.
Arg to the unfair dress code; it's very favoritive to girls....and I'm not biased...my girl goes there too, and I raise my eyebrows at the things they allow those girls to get away with...but of course not the boys.
Arg to holier-than-thou secretaries.
Arg to the discretion of the office, when every employee in the office is female.
Mostly arg to me for not teaching Alex to be a little more self-confident in the presence of intimidating school personel. He felt comfortable talking to his teacher, but definitely not to the lady that treated him like "middle school riff raff". Hopefully, that will come with parent guidance and time and experience.
So...what would you have done?
What are your thoughts?
If you just want to comment with "That's really lame" That's totally awesome too!
***Alright, this post ended up being incredibly long and crazy and after writing it all out, I should most definitely posted this on "Trash Talk Tuesday" Oh well.
As you can see, another great American was so impressed by our devotion to football down here, he joined us at the game!
