Trash Talk Tuesday: Hypocrisy

We like Harry Potter at our house. Allie actually was listening to the CD's in the car with us and decided she wanted to watch them.(We put her on a temporary pause between 2 and 3 because we're a little unsure of how she will handle the dementors.) I had read news articles about people boycotting Harry Potter books and movies because they dealt in "witchcraft" which was basically bad. Okay, well, since it was just "news," it didn't really affect me, although I did think they sure were missing out.

Now that we are living in a part of "The Bible Belt," I actually had to respond to someone chastising me for taking my kids to "Race To Witch Mountain." Seriously. We went with a friend from church (her kids, my kids, out for Spring Break). It was opening week and usually the theaters are more full, but this showing was maybe 1/3 full. No big deal. When we got back though, another man, who also goes to church with us but had converted a few years back, was dropping something off and was sure to tell us that "it's a good thing Sunday's coming soon, now that you got our sinning for the week out of the way." He tried to sound good-natured about it, but he meant every word. He followed up by reminding us that he hadn't read the Harry Potter books and he isn't going to.

I laughed and blew it off as "crazy old man." But, continuing the conversation with my kids revealed that his response is pretty much standard around here.

Alex and Aimee (middle school) always tell me about the really awful things that everyone watches, says, does, goes...etc. They have seen gratuitous violence, sex, nudity, NC17, stuff...unrated horror...all with the approval of their parents. They have also watched their parents' more questionable tapes, obviously without their knowledge. So, when Alex and Aimee confirmed that most of these kids haven't watched or read Harry Potter because their parents think it's evil, I really was speechless.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that's slightly hypocritical...although they are probably all saying the same thing about me monitoring what my kids watch and then letting them engage in withcraft...whatever.

**Side note...the public library here and also the middle school library have the Twilight books in the Horror section, rather than Young Adult.**

Outside The Comfort Zone

Today, while talking with a friend, he asked if I was adjusting to small town life okay. I said I was, but then proceeded to talk about my observation of the area. I came to a realization, so I thought I'd share...

Before we moved here, the realtor and builder kept telling us how great a place it was, and how everyone is so friendly. While looking around, and throughout the building process, it seemed like a great place. When we actually got in, though, it seemed a little quiet. What I said to my friend today, was that I think the people are friendly, they just don't know how to venture out of their comfort zone. There are quite a few projects in this area right now, so there are a lot of people moving in who have felt the same way. They are friendly, but they don't usually make the first move.

I showed up at Allie's school Christmas party a little bit early to help set up. The children were still down at the computer lab, so for the set up time, and up until the children came in, the classroom was just parents trickling in to "party" with their little Kindergartners. The strange thing was, nobody was talking. People who showed up with a spouse or younger child weren't even talking to each other. And I felt like I was the only one who thought this was in the least bit strange. So, I tried to strike up a conversation with one of the other moms asking her which child was hers...she responded, but didn't ask which was mine...so after a brief pause I volunteered the information. I asked a few more random questions, but was met with mostly shy answers. So...I moved on to a different mom. LOL. I asked her the same questions. She, however, asked them back and we started to have .... *gasp* ... a real conversation. Flowing very smoothly for a few minutes. She turned her attention to her younger child for a moment, and I started chatting with one of the dads who had just come in. Amazingly...very slowly the parents started talking to each other!

This situation doesn't seem to be an isolated incident. The experience at the Kindergarten Christmas party is sort of small scale model of the community. If anyone needs volunteers, they only look at those who they have spoken to before, rather than putting up signs to recruit new people. If someone is trying to rally new members of an organization, they ask family members to join. In a community of this size, they could have so much support and involvement if they would just put up a sign, send a flier home from school, or advertise in the paper.

My realization was this: Do I stay in my comfort zone too much? Do I also wait for someone else to make the first move? Do I wait for someone to ask for volunteers or do I seek out the opportunity? Do I invite my neighbors over or do I wonder why I haven't met them yet, but do nothing?

In my family, am I communicating my thoughts and feeling, plans and goals, or am I waiting for my husband and children to develop psychic skills and read my mind? Am I recruiting helpers for a job who I've asked to do it before, or am I working with the younger ones as well, to get them involved?

I just want to be sure that I'm not just doing what I've always done. I want to do the things that work, but be able to recognize where and how to make improvements, especially in outreach and communication. This city is great and the people here have a lot to share. I don't want my own family and children, neighbors and potential friends, to have to work so hard at finding me.

As far as me finding me, that's a whole different story...

Trash Talk Tuesday: Pet Peeves

I haven't had a TTT post for a while. Part of the reason is that by the time Tuesday comes, I have forgotten anything that may have annoyed me. That may sound good, and it is to a degree, as I don't really let things bother me for long, but as evidenced by my stagnant blog, I also haven't remembered anything else. I've been busy and haven't had time to post anything, but I also am too brain dead to remember what I wanted to post about. I was actually thinking of a TTT last week, but then forgot it. Luckily, Clancy posted about Pet Peeves and I remembered it!

Husband just started shift work again. It's great that we are able to get some things done during the week that are just impossible to do on the weekends. In general, we really like the schedule. Sometimes, he volunteers to take the kids to school. Sounds good, but I don't get to sleep in, because I still have to get up to help them get ready. The peeve part comes later in the day, when I want to go somewhere; I have my hands loaded with the "baby" and diaper bag and drinks, etc...I go to open the door and buckle the child...it's locked. Because, after he drops off the kids, he just gets out of his door, the others stay locked. When I get out, I automatically unlock them all, so that I don't have the inconvenience the next time. A small annoyance, but noteworthy. It's almost enough for me to just do it myself...almost.

Another pet peeve that comes up often (especially during the holiday season when I seem to be going into stores more often) is smokers in front of a doorway of a store or restaurant when there is a sign a few feet away that clearly states "no smoking within 25 feet of entrance." I thanked one guy who was actually 25 feet away. He probably thought I was crazy, but hey, he deserved to be commended (plus I probably won't ever see him again, so he can think whatever he wants.)

One of the rules at my house is "If you open it, close it." Apparently it is one rule that is made to be broken because I'm almost certain I am the only one who obeys it. Open cupboard, closets, doors, toilet lids, etc.... You would think that if you aren't supposed to be in the pantry eating junk food right before dinner that you'd be sneaky about it and shut the pantry door when you're done, throw away the wrapper...unfortunately no. I think I'll have to keep a tally card on how many times I close that door in one day.As for closets, Allie did a really good job keeping her closed for just over a week and I actually think that it may have established a habit. She was reminded on her own by the bulbs that we had placed in there. They had to be in a cool dark place to establish the roots before being moved to the light. She was so excited about them that she was very diligent about keeping that door closed. It is in the light now, but she is still closing her door every time! Hooray!

Clancy mentioned that she doesn't like to bring in groceries one, and I agree, but not just bringing them in. I hate that I have to put them all in the cart, then put them all on the conveyer belt, then put them in bags (which is better than a bagger or cashier not putting things in the right bag...produce with produce, meat with meat...boxes with boxes) then back in the cart, then in the car, then in the house. I would totally shop at a store where you just scan the things and bag them as you put them into your cart. That would take away so many of those steps.
(Click the picture to go to the article on HGTV about it.)

Your pet peeves are welcome! Please comment! I'd love to hear that silly small things don't only bother me, but others as well!

Trash Talk Tuesday: Irresponsible Pet Owners

Alright, it's the Christmas season and I want to stay positive, but I totally will after I vent. Lazy and irresponsible pet owners drive me crazy! I want to SCREAM!!! If people are going to have a pet, they should be responsible for every aspect of that pet.

1. Friday night...finally cold here in Texas... there was a totally cutie pie dog that was just freezing out there...wandering the neighborhood...wanting petting from everyone that arrived/left/arrived... He was a little timid, but the need for love prevailed, so he cowered at your hand at first, then just stayed as long as anyone would let him. Yeah, I want to scream some sense into his owners.

2. Yesterday, after cleaning while the children were at school, I got to reclean everything since Aimee stepped in yucky. I can only say that maybe she didn't notice because she was in some very Texas appropriate clothing, while we had some non-Texas appropriat weather (short sleeve shirt with a warm, but sleeveless jacket.) So...instead of spending the afternoon with the children or wrapping presents or cooking dinner, I revacuumed, remopped, cleaned the car floor, washed rugs... Yes I really want to scream at those people...reason being...there are a few dogs that always run around loose at the school. They chase the kids at PE, they follow them in, they get in the way of the cars, and yes, they leave yuckies all over.

So, this week, it was only dogs, but there are certainly irresponsible cat owners as well. Just a trash talk Tuesday shout out to all pet owners...WAKE UP. Be responsible or don't have a pet. ARGGHH!

Halloween at School...hmmm***

At their middle school this year, the kids were allowed to wear costumes on Halloween, as long as it was "historical." Okay call me crazy, but this sounds like a lot of kids are going to be taking that guideline pretty lightly. The guys are also allowed to wear shorts as long as it is part of their costume (girls are always allowed shorts, but guys can normally only wear them on designated "wear shorts" days).

When Alex came out of his room to eat breakfast, dressed, hair done, etc, he was wearing shorts. Both Dustin and I questioned him about it and he said he was "myself two years ago, before I moved here where they make us wear pants. I always wore shorts, every day to school, so that's historical." Alright, I thought it was cute and clever and on a day where I assumed a lot of kids were going to get away with a lot of costumes that were probably not all that historical, we let it fly. I did tell him to get his favorite pair of jeans ready because if he had to call me to bring him long pants, I didn't want to bring "the wrong ones."

Aimee cleared her costume with her teacher ahead of time. She was dressed as an angel. Yep historic. So, after helping Aimee with her hair and makeup (gold glittery stuff), we took off for school, but with the extra stuff going on, I forgot my cell phone.

I dropped the middle schoolers off and then went to take Allie to Kindergarten, which starts a few minutes later. By the time I got home, I had a missed call, both at home and on my cell. I returned the number; it was, of course, the middle school. Alex was asking for pants so that he wouldn't have to go to OCS (on campus suspension.) On the way over, I called Dustin to tell him what was up; he already knew because since Alex couldn't reach me, he had to call his dad at work. He agreed that we should talk a little about it with the principal, but not make a huge deal about it.

When I got to school, Alex was already sitting in a chair in the office, and the principal, Mrs. Bane, was sitting next to him, speaking calmly. I gave him the jeans and he went to change. Mrs Bane made small talk about the pajama-clad, binky-mouthed child in my arms, but then went to attend to someone in the back of the office. As I wanted to ask Alex about his conversation with her before I spoke to her, this was fine with me.

When he came out, now in his school-approved clothing, I asked Alex what she had said to him. He just gave a brief answer about not wearing shorts at shool. I asked if he told her it WAS a costume. He said no, he didn't really have a chance. He said that his homeroom teacher had called him on the shorts, Alex did tell him his costume, and the teacher smiled, but told him he should go down and ask the principal if it was okay. So, I asked the secretary if I could talk to the principal.

The assistant principal, Mrs Wilkerson, met us and showed us to her office (she was dressed as a hippie). I explained that Alex felt like his costume was good, and although it wasn't showy, it was what he considered a part of history. He had already changed, and I did mention that I didn't want to make him change again, but I did think that he should have been able to be heard on the whole subject. Mrs Wilkerson also smiled at the costume, and excused herself to go speak to the principal, although she did not bring her in. When she returned, she said that, yes, shorts were okay if they were part of a costume, but it had to be a more "costumed" costume.

Huh?

Alright, if I had all the information at that point, I would not have let it go. Perhaps if I had had more sleep the previous night and had eaten breakfast I would have also pressed the issue a bit more. But, since I was tired and hungry, I didn't want to cry for no reason...so, I let it go at that.

As I left the school, I saw some questionable costumes and of course we had a full report of the other "historical" costumes: hippies (lots), Barbie, mice, cats, Snow White, Superman, babies, football players, pumpkins, soldiers, cowboys, cowgirls, dolls, brides, and a greek goddess or two. Alright, so to me, some of those clearly miss the mark. The principal was dressed as Fred Flinstone (she's a girl.)

I totally lost my adult composure and just started griping. (Good example from the mother...whatever...it really annoyed me.) I couldn't believe that they would allow some of the costumes that weren't really historical, but would make Alex change, when his was clearly a significant part of his own history (seriously this is big at his age and to his feelings). What made me the most upset was that Alex missed his entire math period sitting in the office waiting for me to bring him "appropriate" clothing when he was already wearing appropriate clothing.

Then, I got more of the story. Alex said he didn't tell me because he knew that I would have been more upset when I was talking to the principal (or vice) and didn't want to feel bad that I cried...blah blah blah...he knows me too well. LOL

The reason that Alex didn't tell the principal what his costume was, is that the moment he walked into the office, the secretary griped at him. He mentioned why he was there, and she laughed, unemotionally, a spoken, "hahaha" and said, "go call your mom"." When he didn't reach me, he asked if she could get Dustin's work number from his file, and she said, something to the effect of, "I guess, or maybe you can just sit your butt down in OCS"

Okay, call me a protective, witchy mom, but I really thought her attitude was out of line. If I had known all of that, I would have said something to her, and maybe mentioned that in my conversation with Mrs Wilkerson. The secretary had just already upset Alex and I guess he needs more experience speaking his feelings and his own point of view and not feeling intimidated.

So, my feeling now, is that I'm probably going to let it go. I am definitely still mad about it all, but unless he gets a zero for the day in his math class, I'm not going to be going in to gripe at them. I'll be selective in my battles.

Arg to the unfair dress code; it's very favoritive to girls....and I'm not biased...my girl goes there too, and I raise my eyebrows at the things they allow those girls to get away with...but of course not the boys.
Arg to holier-than-thou secretaries.
Arg to the discretion of the office, when every employee in the office is female.
Mostly arg to me for not teaching Alex to be a little more self-confident in the presence of intimidating school personel. He felt comfortable talking to his teacher, but definitely not to the lady that treated him like "middle school riff raff". Hopefully, that will come with parent guidance and time and experience.

So...what would you have done?
What are your thoughts?
If you just want to comment with "That's really lame" That's totally awesome too!

***Alright, this post ended up being incredibly long and crazy and after writing it all out, I should most definitely posted this on "Trash Talk Tuesday" Oh well.

Trash Talk Tuesday

There may not be a need for Trash Talk every Tuesday, but this week, I've got some!

Common courtesy, social graces, and basic good manners --truly basic, I'm not talking Emily Post perfection, just
the basics!

Although I'm far from perfect in this area, I believe that my parents raised me well and taught me most of the things I need to know. When teaching my own children, I'm seeing now that I wish I had insisted on certain manners earlier on with. Sometimes it seems that children are so little and some things are nothing to worry about, but once a habit is established, it's harder to change.
It is of course little things like Yes, ma'am, yes, sir, etc. However, my children certainly know that when someone is walking in a door behind you, rather than letting it slam in their face, you hold it open.
In defense of all geographic areas, it is not a Northerner thing or a Southerner thing or anywhere inbetween. We had people tell us that moving to Texas you'd meet the "nicest folks." Well, maybe some of them are fine, but others need some lessons in good manners and presentation.
I'm actually appalled at some of the behavior that I see on a regular basis. So, in no particular order, for the north, south, east, and west, near and far, at home or abroad, here are some courtesies, manners, and social graces that I really want to see make a comeback. :(

"Manner" words: Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, You're Welcome

Holding a door open for a fellow being...if you will be holding it for 5 seconds or less, or if it will slam in your fellow walker's face, hold the thing open. You can make up for the energy it took by eating a half of a jelly bean later.

When leaving a busy parking lot, let a car in every now and then. You may someday be that car and hopefully karma will come back around.
Likewise, letting someone merge in bumper to bumper traffic isn't going get you there any later.

Look people in the eye, smile, and say "hi." Other shoppers at the grocery store aren't your worst enemy and a simple "hi" won't kill you. In fact, it will actually make you feel better.

Offer to give up you seat or chair to grown ups (especially pregnant women) and really really grown ups (yes old people). Often times, they may prefer to stand, but ALWAYS offer.

Chew with your mouth closed.

Don't bring animals into stores...not even the cute purse sized ones.

Don't talk loudly or chew popcorn loudly in a movie theater.

Don't interrupt. We know our opinion is always better than someone else's, but at least pretend to listen. Don't speak when it's someone else turn.

Don't clip your fingernails in public...it's just gross.

A bottle of perfume is supposed to be bottomless...meaning it NEVER RUNS OUT!!! If you notice yours running out, YOU'RE USING TOO MUCH. If you are planning to be in an enclosed area, (office building, library church, restaurant, someone's home) don't douse yourself. Remember, you never want your smell to introduce your presence to a room.

Don't walk into someone else's house and start eating their food (or change the channel on the TV, or stopping the music) without asking. If you are there for dinner, ask if there is anything you can do to help. If you aren't there to eat, don't chow down.

Make space for fellow walkers in the store, the sidewalk, the park, whatever. You don't need to take up the whole path just so that you and your friends can all line up side-by-side. Fall back into two or three different lines and allow for others to pass by on the other side of you. (Note: passing by implies safety...don't make someone else walk in the gutter or street) Share the walkway.

If there is one cookie left, (or roll, taco, chips, popcicle, piece of chicken, etc...anything, really) offer to split it.

Pay attention to where you're going. Don't walk into people and don't expect them to move out of your way.

If someone is busy and you are sitting around doing nothing, offer to help.

Don't flick cigarrette butts out the window. Nobody wants your toxic waste on the streets of town. And never drop them at the playground. Kids put everything in their mouths...enough said.

If you have a cart full of groceries and the customer behind you has only 1 item, let them go in front of you. (Ask "Do you just have that one item?" That way, if they are actually waiting for their shopping partner, you won't let them in front of you and then have to wait 15 minutes.)

NEVER spit out your gum in a parking lot or on the sidewalk. Gum on shoes, in cars, in houses ...it just ruins someone's day...use a garbage!!!

Put your shopping cart in the cart return.

If you use the last of the toilet paper, get a new roll.

Before entering someone's home, ask if they want your shoes off. Shoes track in a lot of gross stuff that people just don't want their babies crawling around in and putting in their mouths.

And of course, if you open it, close it, if you turn it on, turn it off, if you get it out, put it away.


Unfortunately, the readers of my blog are courteous people. They already know and do all of these things, and more, so it only serves as a vent session. (Well, actually, I should say fortunately, I just mean it's too bad some of the people who need to hear this aren't the ones reading.)


I don't want to just blog a big whine session, but I decided that everybody could use a some vent time. So, in an attempt to keep all of my other days clear of all negativity, I'll just put it all up on Trash Talk Tuesday. If you ever feel a need to step away from possitivity for a few minutes, feel free to join me in some Trash Talk. (And this after my "Formula for Happiness" lol Whatever)