A Tribute: Edith Merle Cochran

Each memory is created through unique experiences and perceptions at any particular moment. This  is why friends and siblings can have slightly different (or vastly different) memories of the same event. These memories don't change, but as our perception changes, a new amended memory forms as well.
As a child, visiting my grandparent's house for the first time, I formed a mental image of it. As the years passed by and I thought of that visit, I remembered the layout, the decor, the street setting, and the area where each conversation took place. I can clearly see the bowl of diced fruit on the side counter that I tasted, believing it to be peaches. I almost spit the bite out until I realized it was actually mango and not just a really gross peach. (Oh, and if I wasn't supposed to try that fruit, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations has run out; don't judge.)
The first weekend of February, I went back to that home. The layout was the same, some of the furniture had been rearranged, some of the decor had changed, and the home seemed a little homier, less palatial, which as a young child I assume was just a matter of relational size. The biggest difference this time, though, was that my grandma was no longer in her home.
In the early morning hours of February 1, my grandma passed away quietly in her hospital bed. My grandpa had taken her in for chest pain and after sedation to increase her blood oxygen levels, she had a difficult time coming off the sedation. She had some very alert moments, but as I understood things, on the 31st, they knew they were going to lose her. My mom and Genene were still at home in Idaho preparing for the trip when they received word that she had passed. Tana and Lex were at the hospital in those early hours. Tana had just spoken quietly to her mom and told her, "Lex is going to be here with you, mama. I will be back in a few hours, okay?" She says her mother said, "Okay." In the few short minutes that Lex walked Tana out, the nurse who was in to take vitals didn't find a pulse. Grandma Merle passed quietly to the other side.

On the morning of the 2nd, I was at my MOPS meeting. At the end of each meeting, our small groups each discuss prayer requests and we pray together for each other. Based on the latest information I had, I thought this was likely going to be the last day on Earth for my grandma. I shared with the group my concern for her and for my grandpa, my mom, and her siblings. Then, as the discussion group leader, it is normally my job to pray before we leave our table. That morning, I prayed for those things which my friends had requested. And then, as I prayed for my own concerns, I voiced thanks for the love in our family; I prayed for my mom and my aunt to have comfort and safe travels; I prayed for my aunts and uncles who were gathering in Houston to have peace and comfort; I prayed for my grandpa, but I realized that I didn't pray for my grandma's doctors as I had planned to. I didn't pray for our Father's will to be done, but I was peaceful with it.  When I arrived home from the meeting, I heard the news that my grandma had passed away earlier that morning, and I had to give thanks to the Lord for His inspiration in my mind and heart, changing the things I thought I would be praying for, because He was already embracing her. I felt His peace again at that moment and knew that all would be well.
After rearranging schedules, making reservations, and scheduling flights, I was finally able to join so many of my loving family members in Houston. At the time of arranging, I was thinking I just needed to be there as soon as I could. It was only afterward that I realized how very much I wished I had taken my husband and children with me. Being around everyone who is sharing in feelings of grief, joy, reminiscence, and love is part of a process of being able to feel and enjoy each other, to bring peace to your mind and heart, and to celebrate a wonderful life lived.
The visitation at the funeral home and the service at grandpa and grandma's church were both so cathartic. I laughed, cried, pondered, empathized, spoke with others, and listened to their words and their hearts. I can't imagine anyone wishing to avoid a memorial service.
On Saturday morning, at the request of a few family members, Callie, our familial floral expert, met with the florist to make a few changes to the casket spray. Due to this little delay, Sibyl, Callie, and I arrived at the church to find many of our Grandmother's family and friends already there. With my Grandma's love for perfection and beauty, I don't think she would have minded. We briefly even joked that we had made our Grandmother late to her own funeral. (I think she forgave us.) I was so impressed by the funeral home directors during all this. They are so patient, so gentle and kind, and yet still able to guide and direct families to be able to proceed through every step of the way.
We started the service with a family prayer offered by Brayton before proceeding into the chapel. My dad opened the service in prayer and then we were blessed to hear some wonderful speakers. Billy presented Grandma's life sketch, and I am currently seeking that information. I was able to listen to some of it the night before as I sat with my mom and my grandpa when she asked him questions and he told some of the best stories about the love of his life. I never knew, for instance, that my grandma was a buyer for a store, that the woman she worked with so valued her advice that she was able to travel to New York for a purchase trip. Very cool.
Grandpa Arvil requested that all of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren sing 'I Am A Child of God.' I loved being a part of that. The few grandchildren who didn't already know the song are true descendents of this musical family and quickly picked it up the night before so that we were all able to come together and share that sweet message.
Mickey then spoke of a few distinct qualities in Grandma Merle. She was a woman with strong opinions, she loved laughter and perfection, she was devoted to beauty (in everything: beautiful cooking, beautiful music), and had a fierce love for her family. He related a story that my mom told him about a dress that she and her mom were making for a dance. When her date showed up, grandma wouldn't let it go until it was 100% and all the strings were trimmed. She wanted her to go out with "no strings attached." We also heard about the car trips she would insist on taking because someone needed them. Of course, grandpa is her perfect companion and would agree; he would drive all night to get to Mississippi because "they need us there," only to turn around the next day to drive back for work sometimes.
One Christmas, when my mom was newly married, she sent a Christmas card to her parents. On the front of the card, she labeled the stockings: David, Bronwyn, Sibyl, Merle, and Arvil. When my grandma saw the card, she decided that they were needed all the way up north for that Christmas and they got in the car and drove to be with their daughter living far away from home. Sometimes that fierce love may have seemed to be unreasonably fierce, but her intuition wasn't something to be ignored.
Finally, each of my grandma's children were asked to speak briefly to share a memory of her.
Jann talked about Grandma's special gift to be able to recognize each of her children for who they are and love them each in the way that their personality needed. She was patient in her teaching and instead of doing it for them, she would show them and stand by them while they learned. Jann remembered her mother standing behind her at the sewing machine while she shared that skill. She would stay and listen to Jann practice piano and at the end of practice she would sometimes say, "Now play me to sleep."
Jann also talked about grandma's eyes. She always looked at the person she was speaking to and wanted to see their eyes as well.
Devan spoke of her mom's depth of wisdom and how she always felt that "we have it in our hearts." She lived to show that as well.
Genene agreed with Mickey that her mother had a fierce love, but emphasized that she had a gentle touch. That feeling, that gentle cupping of the cheek that we all know so well because it is a mannerism that has been learned and passed on to each generation. Genene also felt that her mother supported her in being herself, her "fierce redhead." "I don't know what that means; maybe you all do."
She remembers her mom's depth of love. Those times when they would lay on the bed talking and their dad would come in and see them all on the bed and know that they had all been having deep heart to hearts and light banter; just connecting.
Bronwyn (my mom) felt like she was the meek one, and that her mom did indeed know each of her children and loved them the way that they needed to be loved. She was encouraged by her mom; she felt loved even when she didn't want to be in the limelight. She felt unconditionally loved. She recalled her mother's sweet nature. I love the story she shared: when grandma was small, she walked with her feet turned in a bit. Her grandma showed her to match footprints. Her grandma walked in front and she told grandma to follow; she told her that if she put her feet right in her grandma's footprints, her feet would be facing forward and she learned to walk with her feet perfectly straight. This story was in relation to grandma's teaching sweetly. She loved with understanding and kindness.
Tana said, "I have two words: Cornbread dressing."  Of course we all know what those words mean. Everyone knows about cornbread dressing and how perfect is always is. Tana said that as perfect as it was, grandma always thought it could be improved. She even told us that she made it twice during the holidays because the first time she made it, she was left wondering; one night she had an epiphany and had to make it again, trying out her new idea. This, she said, was a quality passed on from her mother. There is perfection in refinement.
"She was my doctor, my confidante, my best friend; she was google before there was google, and she had a wonderful intuition. I knew she loved me."
Lex was the youngest. He got to be with his mom when everyone else had gone. He remembered the hours talking. Sometimes their morning would be gone because they had spent it just talking together. When you have the opportunity to share that much conversation with someone, they naturally become one of your best friends, just as he felt she was his best friend.
The last song of the service was "The Lord's Prayer" by Tana. It was a beautiful performance and a sweet gift to her mother. Then we closed the service with a prayer by Brayton. 
After the service, we continued the reminiscing and sharing at my grandparent's house. Music has always been a part of our lives and it certainly was that afternoon. Singing, talking, and loving we grew closer to each other and celebrated the legacy that grandma has left behind. Late into the evening, there was one point where grandpa looked tired. Genene asked him if he wanted to lay down. He definitely didn't. "No, I couldn't possibly miss out on all of this."
I was not able to stay the extra day to go to the cemetery. I was told that it was just as wonderful. Tommy dedicated the grave and I saw a few pictures of everyone choosing a flower from the spray to hold on to.
I am so amazed at the wonderful people that are in our lives. So many sweet spirits and personalities joined to celebrate a beautiful life lived. Some of those helped behind the scenes, some just listened and hugged. So many of the wonderful qualities that we treasured in Grandma Merle were present in her children and grandchildren. I feel so blessed to be a part of such a wonderful family.

One of the things the "adult me" noticed in my grandparent's house that the "pre-teen me" had overlooked or forgotten, was the variety of bird items decorating the shelves. I'm told that bluebirds are her favorite. And why not?! Just look at that beautiful blue. I love you Grandma. See you on the other side.

mountain bluebird image from denveraudubon