A Box of Crayons

Tonight, my mind is troubled. It's working overtime doing flips and flops, focusing in and out and trying to make sense out of the world. I always feel a bit of heartbreak when people are so blinded to other opinions and perspectives. Why do people feel that they are entitled to judge another person's entire being by ONE opinion? Why do people feel justified in superiority? Why do people feel superior to others based on their own opinions?

Everyone has the opinion and world view that he or she does because of his or her oen experiences IN the world. Therefore, the thoughts and beliefs that each person has, fit into this perspective. Every choice this person makes will be based on prior experiences or knowledge gained through study.

Make the best decision you can with the most information that you have and don't worry about the 'what if'. This advice, often given by therapists, is what people are doing every day, except maybe we're all worrying about the "what if."  But every day, we make the decisions that we do based on the information we have.  Therefore, the only way to help someone make a different choice some other day is to give them new information and new experiences so that they may add this to their information bank and create a new perspective.

You will never get someone to believe something you are saying by calling them names and discounting their beliefs. They believe what they do for a reason. When you mock that reasoning, your information will mean less than nothing to them. If you want to implement a change in someone, you will need to understand them. Understand that they are as justified in their perspective as you are in yours. They have had experiences that have brought them to the place they are currently living, growing, and developing. From that point is where they will make any future changes in their beliefs.

The problem with facts and opinions is that some people don't know the difference. You may believe something that is a fact, but just because you believe something does not MAKE it a fact.

Voltair said, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." This is so over-quoted that is seems almost cliche, but I, in fact mean it. I don't think that one has to play devil's advocate just to understand another person's point of view, or to defend it against those who are attacking it. Tonight was one such case.

This week, my cousin posted about a friend who had lost their baby to pertussis. My thoughts and prayers are with that family and all those who have been touched by this short, precious life. Unfortunately, rather than focusing light and love and energy to this family, there is a big debate about vaccinations surrounding the death, at least there is from where I'm viewing. Hopefully, closer to their circle, there is only love and support.

Whether or not to vaccinate your children is a really hot debate topic. Everyone knows this. If this is a surprise to you, then I am surprised. Both sides have well-educated, well-documented, and well-intentioned arguments supporting their case. At this particular moment, a tragic death is in the mix of the arguments, which, of course, brings more emotions into the mix.


And this is where I will defend someone's right to their own opinion, especially a well researched and carefully thought out opinion. On the post about vaccines, it was mentioned that those who don't vaccinate need to have their heads examined. This is an opinion. The poster is entitled to this opinion. It is also an opinion shared by many people. However, as the comments went on, the accusations against those who don't vaccinate became more general and here is where it became a problem for me. A group of people all sharing the same opinion will not come to the proper conclusion about someone who may have a different opinion if that other group is not represented. The ORIGINAL post did not imply that EVERY person who does not vaccinate is evil and must be put to death. However, after the mob mentality took over, a few of the commenters lashed out at the one differing opinion. This isn't something new. This is facebook. It's cliche, really. By the end, the general consensus of the commenters seemed to be that no one deserves to think anything other than "all vaccines are good." Period. End of story.

So, when a mob is happily pitch-forking together, and someone from that other group peeks in, it's not pretty. Suddenly, that evil has a face, a name, an individual and all the anger and generalizations are forced upon the one individual who thought maybe tonight they were brave enough to speak up for the ones being demonized.

That was my sister. And that was why I called her tonight. It was time for a phone hug. She has 4 month old twins who are being exclusively breastfed; she has other children at home and every day is the mom struggle that we all encounter--being the very best mom that we can be in every way that we can for every child. It's overwhelming at times, but always rewarding.With all that she has going on and her tender emotions, she was taking a risk sticking that opinion in there. After the initial shock and hurt of the 'generalization' and name callling, she was fine, so by the time I called her, all was well.  But her perspectives will not change when strangers attack her without cause. Her ideas are no less important just because 5 decided they, together, were "the gods of the universe and spoke all truth." And her well-researched, carefully-pondered choices were no less sound than the majority in this case, just because her opinion differed from theirs. The hurtful part of the evening was that in all the emotional current, one person was swept away in anger and attacked my sister as a person; they attacked her character based on this one opinion. They assumed that they knew everything about her and every choice she makes and every thought that goes on in her head based on a generalized assumption.

Assault on a person's being is not simply someone sharing an opinion. Assaulting someone's character in an attempt to devalue their opinion is bullying. It's cheap and it's cruel. Even more insulting is the fact that this person was not a stranger, hiding behind online anonymity; this attacker was family (a dear cousin), whose views are clearly different, but should still love a family member without allowing name-calling to taint that love.

Another friend, another post, simply posted the information and asked everyone to please consider everything when making a choice. THIS is the way to open a discussion and get people to open up to your suggestions.


"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything," is often used by groups trying to recruit others to their cause. Once upon a time, someone, in the middle of an argument, lobbed it at me for not being extreme enough in my belief (I'm pretty sure it was something political). I am often in the middle of things. I am not always on the front line of the battle because I dislike confrontation, but sometimes confrontation has to happen.  Being in the middle means being attacked from all sides. At that time, I was not hurt or insulted by the comment; it was that person's opinion that I wasn't standing for something just because I wasn't standing for what they wanted me to be.  Sometimes things don't have to be black or white.  You don't have to think that 100% always all the Republicans or all the Democrats are 100% right. You don't have to think that 100% all the time always all the people in your group of friends have all the best answers. You don't.


Stand for something. How about this. Stand for kindness and understanding when learning about a person's life and experiences and perspectives. Stand for variety. Stand for information. Stand for sharing knowledge and opinions. Stand for truth and discovery.

Did you know you can buy a box of crayons that are all blue, pink, or green? You can buy a box of crayons that is all black. This is a really cool discovery for those of us who often have no black for all those little accent parts of the picture (or a tiny broken bit of one). Even better is a box of crayons that is just multicultural skin colors. Eight different skin tones in one box of crayons is really awesome, because how often to we really want to color someone just "peach" or just "brown"? Yeah, never. In Kindergarten, we got eight crayons. That's it. Eight different colors for everything. Is the world just eight different colors? Remember when you were in 1st grade and you got to the 16 count box?! Twice as many colors! Awesome!  And then 24 the next year after. If your were one of the lucky rich people, you might get the 64 count box when you were in 4th or 5th grade, and really, who wouldn't want 64 different colors, for all your coloring needs?!

Guess what?! The world isn't all blue or all green or all black; it's not even all black or all white. That's boring, not to mention totally and completely not fact. Everyone is so entirely multidimensional that forming generalizations and pigeonholing them each into a tidy little apothecary chest in your brain won't help you understand the world.  Surrounding yourself with people who think and act just like you and share all the same opinions about the world will keep you in your own little bubble and you will be at a disadvantage when it comes to relating to others or sharing your opinions with them.

So expand your world! When someone shares a different opinion on facebook, or *gasp*, the real world, instead of calling them names and 'unfriending' them, explore that avenue. Explore that thought. Research it. Ask them questions. Ask them why they feel that way and what has brought them to that place. Offer your views kindly and openly without discounting theirs. Share your excitement about the things you know and the things you feel so that they will see that you have a reason for thinking what you do and may even share the excitement that you do. You may not change someone's opinion, but you will have done something better. You will have expanded their understanding of the world, as well as your own.